Beyond Just Mom » work

knowing when to say when

pam — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 12:38:27 +0000

Image via Wikipedia

Lately I’ve been feeling a bit stressed, but it doesn’t make much sense.

We still have a few more weeks of summer. (I know, many of you are starting school already, but while you were jumping in the pool we had school until mid-June, so no complaining). My kids are at wonderful ages of gaining independence, which makes life so much easier than before. I’m doing some part-time work and enjoying it. But, like so many moms, I’m feeling pulled in too many different directions.

I realized some of my anxiety was about my personal commitment to write here multiple times per week. None of you are nagging me, but there’s this voice in my head constantly telling me I have got to put up some profound, insightful posts or all of you will run away and my site will collapse into a black hole. And I’m sure you all know that fear of imminent black hole collapse, combined with guilt about a wreck of a house, family who needs love and attention, actual paid work that needs to get done, other writing commitments, and oh-my-gosh-summer-is-almost-over-we-must-create-some-fun-memories-now doesn’t make for great creative writing. Or maybe it does, but it’s not working for me right now.

I want my words to be fresh and interesting, not just space fillers. I want to write through inspiration, not obligation. And I want to reflect a life of appreciated moments, not put off those moments to slap up a post.

So, as we prepare for one more road trip next week, I’m going to take that pressure to create profoundness off the table. I might post a few golden not-so-oldies, I might write when I’m inspired, but you might see fewer posts for a few weeks.

I hope that’s okay with you–it might even be a relief. Just tell me you won’t disappear into a black hole, okay?

And if you have any summer left, please enjoy it and appreciate the moments with me.

Share and Enjoy:

let’s not go back

pam — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 14:08:14 +0000

Julie Stills Miles at Pragmatic Compendium posted this video that made me laugh and almost cry all at the same time:

I laughed at the ridiculousness of it and how far we have come since those days. But in some sense, I cried at the irony, because there have been times when I’ve felt almost that separated from the world of business for which I trained. Not directly from family or friends, but subtle messages from the world at large.

Carla Barnhill speaks of the church’s pressure on mothers in The Myth of the Perfect Mother. I’ve been ruminating (one of my new favorite weird words) on her message. Some of it hit home for me and some seemed a little far-fetched. As soon as I process my thoughts, I’ll write more. If you’re interested, join Carla and her friend Caryn’s thought-provoking conversations at The Mommy Revolution.

In the meantime, enjoy. Does something in this video strike a chord with you?

Share and Enjoy:

On flux

pam — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 19:29:05 +0000

What do I mean by “flux of life”?

From the Free Online Dictionary:

flux (flks) n. 1. a. A flow or flowing. b. A continued flow; a flood. 2. The flowing in of the tide

A few years ago I read a book called Flux: Women on Sex, Work, Love, Kids and Life in a Half-Changed World by Peggy Orenstein. It chronicles how real women in their 20s, 30s, and 40s negotiate life in a world “only half-changed by feminism.” Each woman made different life choices, and each juggled personal and societal expectations. It helped me realize we are more similar than different as we navigate today’s world.

That word—flux—really resonates with me. I like it better than balance, which implies a perfect point we can find and sustain. Instead, I work on managing the changing flow. Like water, life is dynamic, fluid, and the flow will change in different seasons. Rather than fighting it, I need to learn to ride with it. Channel it. Or let it flow.

As a child, I anticipated a straight path to success. I was an ambitious girl, coming of age in the 80s, believing I could “do it all.” I dreamed of being queen of the corporate world and a beautiful family. Then reality rushed over me. In reality, my life has flux-ed through the seasons:

college: a river of rapids and whirlpools–turbulent, challenging, exciting, invigorating

20s/early marriage: forging a new stream, building my flow, enjoying a rising tide

working mom of two babies: an unexpected flood. trying to keep my head above water. struggling to balance. gratitude in surviving. reluctant to get out of the exciting waters.

baby number three: time to move out of the flood zone and crawl up on the banks. watching the career stream flow by. seeking stiller waters. finding a new stream.

mom of three young ones: depending on the day, a varying flux–a steady drip, like water torture (not my metaphor), raging rapids, floods, or flowing tides.

today–three kids in school, flexible work: feeling more buoyant. negotiating a new stream. anticipating more “flux” to come.

Along the journey, I fluctuate. Sometimes I struggle. Sometimes I know my choices are right. As I adapt and evolve, sometimes I wonder whether I’m losing—or finding?—my true self. Is this maturity, or weakness? The blessings are abundant, but different from what I expected. Can I ever go back to my original plans? Do I want to? In which stream do I want to row?

The flux metaphor works for me as I flow through life’s seasons. How does it resonate with you?

Share and Enjoy: