This weekend, I’m enjoying the luxury of being a guest in my husband’s childhood home.  It’s not often that I get to sleep in, enjoy great food and wine, and relax with my extended family.   Both G and I are so thankful that both sets of our parents are healthy, happy and fun to be around.  Even with all my whining lately, I know we are so richly blessed.

My friend Diane sent me this Thanksgiving message that I pass on to you today.  I send it to raise awareness of our own blessings, not to impose guilt or remorse.  I’m firm believer in “to whom much is given, much is expected.” So please, enjoy the day–relax, refresh, renew your soul–so you can bless another, in what ever way you can.  And if you need to receive this season, and we all do at one point or another, please – enjoy the bounty.

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million who won’t survive the week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 20 million people around the world.

If you attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death, you are more blessed than almost three billion people in the world.

If you have food in your refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof over your head and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace, you are among the top 8% of the world’s wealthy.

If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful, you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.

If you can hold someone’s hand, hug them or even touch them on the shoulder, you are blessed because you can offer a healing touch.

If you have read this message, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read anything at all.

We are richly blessed.  May we recognize these gifts and share them wisely.

*Yes, this is a re-post from last Thanksgiving, but it seems even more relevant to me today.  Hope you enjoy it.

photo credit: basykes

This article from Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller always re-frames my thinking gives me a lift.  I’m printing my favorite snippets; please read the complete article here.

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Special Thanks This Thanksgiving
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller

Millions of parents will pause this Thanksgiving to do what the day was originally created for — give thanks for the many blessings that exist in their lives. . .But what if your appreciation this Thanksgiving took on a new look? What if the blessings you count this year included situations that aren’t usually regarded as helpful, useful or valuable? Consider the following:

Why not be thankful that your child is two years behind grade level in his reading ability? This struggling reader is giving you the opportunity to read to him regularly at night. This evening ritual will help build connectedness between you and your child while at the same time modeling your love for the printed word. Great literature can be shared as you simultaneously bond with your child. This opportunity is an incredible blessing. Appreciate it. . .

Why not be thankful that your teenager received a speeding ticket? Getting a ticket is not a bad thing. Not if your teen learns from it and slows her driving for the next year. If she takes personal responsibility, pays the ticket, and is more cautious about her driving, the ticket may well save her life or the life of someone else in the future. Bless the ticket and give thanks for its blessings.

Why not be thankful that your 8-year-old shoplifted in the grocery store? This is the perfect time to teach your child about shoplifting. Better now than when he helps himself to someone else’s car when he is 18. Teach him how to make amends. Teach him what to say as he returns the candy bars to the storeowner. Help him learn to articulate what he learned and what he intends to do differently next time. Bless this perfect time to teach lessons about taking things that don’t belong to you. Be grateful for the opportunity.

Why not be thankful that your youngsters track mud and sand into the garage and house? The next time you stand in the garage furiously sweeping sand and wishing that your children were better behaved; quietly remind yourself that one day you’ll wish you had sand to sweep out of the garage. Love the mud. Love the sand. Be grateful for the signs of the presence of children in your life. . .

Why not be thankful that your adolescent asked you about sex? This is a great sign. It means your child trusts you enough to talk to you about sex. It means she is not getting all her sex knowledge from the street. It means you have moved beyond “the talk” to having an ongoing, honest conversation about the important subject of sex. Congratulate yourself. It is a blessing that you are willing to fulfill that role for your child and that she is responding to it positively. Give thanks. . .

Why not give thanks that your child is spilling milk, talking with his mouth full, wiping cranberry sauce on his new pants, refusing to eat his vegetables, and interrupting his grandmother at the dinner table this day? It means you have more work to do as a parent. It means your job is not yet done. This is a blessing. You are still needed to help your child learn to pour milk more carefully, improve his table manners, learn to eat nutritiously, and show respect for elders. Give thanks for these opportunities. . .

This Thanksgiving remember that parenting is a ministry. It is a sacred role that you are being called to perform. Give thanks that you have been called. Give thanks that you are willing to step forward and accept that call. Appreciate that you are being shown the way. Celebrate yourself and your contribution to healing the planet by helping your children evolve into the people they were meant to be. You are a blessing to the world. Give thanks that you are up to the task.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose.  Follow their parenting posts at Uncommon-Parenting.

Also, it’s not to late to join me in the 30 Days of Gratitude project this month.  Check it out here. 

photo credit: TheAlieness GiselaGiardino²³

30daysofgratitude.org

It’s so simple, yet so powerful.  Just challenge yourself to submit one daily gratitude through the month of November.  You’ll receive helpful reminder emails and be inspired by other folks’ gratitudes along the way.  If it sounds like too much, you can choose “gratitude light” (weekly) or do it with a group.  You can even partner with a friend who might not be so internet-driven.  Just do it.

Countless studies prove that the act of acknowledging our blessings and taking a moment to express gratitude can change lives.   Even if it doesn’t change our circumstance, it changes our outlook, and that makes all the difference.  I’ve picked up gratitude journals, began writing 1000 gifts through Holy Experience’s beautiful Gratitude Community, and tried other methods.  They’ve been helpful but I must admit I fall out of habit pretty quickly.  I need to mix it up a bit sometimes. 

Annie’s plan is brilliant.  It takes 30 days to develop a solid habit and this project fits that window perfectly.  And for me, the email reminders and internet format make it easy and convenient.  I’m excited to begin.  Again. 

What about you?  C’mon, do it with me! 

Join in–spread the word–tell some friends–post it on your blog.

Let’s turn this world around, one blessing at a time.

If that’s not enough, just listen to Annie’s enthusiasm (be sure to watch Part 1 and Part 2):

Looking forward to a month of feeling grateful with you.  Get started here.

Rise without trying

at 5:00 am

capture the sunrise

beat the heat

pretend we belong

escape to the spa

dip in the pool

laze in the river

catch a movie

dinner for two

slumber again

in that big soft bed

then off to the farm.

Big hugs

extra tight this time

catch up

greet the dogs

and sink bare feet into

the softest grass in the world.

Breathe in

break bread

sit on the porch

enjoy the view.

Ruffle feathers

make amends

try again.

Girl time

guy time

swing on the tire time

sit on the porch

enjoy the view.

Savor the flavors

reconnect

celebrate early

watch not-so-small kids play

on that soft green grass. 

5:00 am again

more hugs

dewey eyes

unspoken words.

Fly home

regroup

and remember

our lovely respite.

And make note

every day

to

enjoy the view.

Mine. 

a.k.a Mama Lacy

Thanks, Mom, for loving me, teaching me, and showing me how to be a mom (and beyond). 

I love you.

I’ve never felt so hip at a second grade event.

We’ve been hearing about Mr. T’s poetry night for weeks.  Mr. T is KN’s cool student teacher:  a gentle giant with big hair, big hands, and a big heart for kids.  We’d received at least three kid-scrawled invitations:  a command performance for the family, and I have to admit, some of us weren’t super excited.    At least there would be food.

The dinner exceeded my expectations.  Mr. T and his parents(!)  prepared delicious homemade lasagna.  In class, the children frosted cupcakes (okay, those were just what I expected) and studied fractions while they cut the fruit salad.   While the guests enjoyed dinner, Mr. T. whisked the kids away to prepare for the poetry reading. 

When they were ready, Mr. T invited us into the classroom “the K-T lounge“.   Slow jazz infused the air.  Battery-powered candles and tasty finger foods graced the cloth-covered tables.  A cozy lamp, bar stool and microphone invited poets to the front stage.

Clearly this was going to be something special.

In the lamplight, those precious children moved us.  They made us laugh, cry, and hold our breath as they worked to get out the words.  Every child in this class of diverse abilities and resources excelled that night.  Their families swelled with pride, and so did the kids.

Mr. T., with support from his amazing mentor, Mrs. K., went far beyond the call of duty that night.  He set high expectations, created a special mood, involved the whole community, and made memories that will last a lifetime.  

Most importantly, he instilled a passion for poetry in twenty-something second graders.

I offer thanks to Mr. T, Mrs. K, and teachers who go far beyond expectations to make a difference.  May they inspire a passion for teaching and life long learning in the next generation.

Check out more inspiring tributes over here:

Okay, maybe sometimes I am.  Still, in case I misled you in my recent  posts in this series (based on Caryn Dahlstrand Rivadeneira’s book), I want to take time to recognize the amazing ways that I’ve been enriched by becoming a parent.  

Here are just a few ways motherhood has blessed, transformed, and enriched me:

1)  My heart has expanded

I don’t think I quite understood how far love could stretch until I started taking care of another totally dependent being.  It started with a puppy when I was six months pregnant (yes, a crazy idea).  For the first time I felt that loving ache– almost like a stretch in my heart.  When my son AJ was born, my heart expanded as I bonded with him.  Then NT was born looking completely different from AJ.  It seems funny, but that silly appearance factor erased any doubt I would have to divide my love.  I thought, “Oh!  This is a completely different child!”  as my heart ballooned for both little boys.  My daughter’s birth magnified my love even more, and I now understand how folks with quivers of children love each one uniquely, not equally.  I truly believe that parenting has expanded my capacity to love.

2)  My priorities shifted beyond myself

Yes, I do gripe sometimes, but without a doubt, parenting has shifted my priorities for the better.  My younger hopes and dreams were all about what I wanted to accomplish.  Now I must consider how every choice impacts my family, and most of the time that happens automatically.   By design, parenting has taught me to be less self-absorbed and more focused on others, and I believe I’m a better person for it.  As Caryn writes,

“When your day’s agenda includes learning about and enjoying the people your children are becoming, it makes sacrificing easy and rewarding–to a point, that is.”

–p. 16, Mama’s Got a Fake ID

3)  I “get” God just a little bit more

I’ve got a long way to go, but parenting has magnified and clarified my faith in so many ways.   Being a mother has shown me how God loves us for who we are rather than for what we do.  I begin to understand how God might allow us to struggle so we may grow through hard times.  And I really can see how it breaks His heart to watch us suffer, but know that he wants the best for us no matter what.  I’m beginning to “get” that, and a parental perspective has given me a metaphor to help me on my faith journey. 

Add these three to countless other benefits of motherhood, such as learning to survive without sleep, multitask like a maniac, and trust my intuition:  without a doubt, I’ve been enriched beyond measure by motherhood. 

How has parenthood (or another life-changing experience) refined or enriched you?

Seriously– tickled pink. My 13-year old son doesn’t “beam” very often. Can’t remember seeing this particular look on his face, actually.

“Mom! I learned the mambo and the samba tonight!” he blurted and proceeded to show me how it’s done. 

This is highly unusual.

“Who are you and what have you done with my quiet, self-conscious son?”  I almost said.  I was tickled pink myself.

A’s rehearsing for our middle school production of Bye Bye Birdie–you know, “what’s the stORy. . .morning glORy?” and “put on a happy face“–with 180 other middle schoolers.   Yes, that’s almost two hundred 6th, 7th and 8th graders–boys and girls of all shapes, sizes and abilities– acting, singing and dancing on stage. And down the ailses. And behind the seats. And wherever else they can fit them.

I’ve been blown away by the coordination of this entire effort.  Dedicated volunteer producers, directors, choreographers, high school students and throngs of parents assigned and deployed to our respective positions.  Directors drawing out the surprising talents of the eighth grade leads.  Dozens of kids for each main character (Conrad’s Crazies, Rosy’s Rowdies, etc) traipsing on stage to back up each song and dance.  Believe it or not, it works.  You should have seen the Sound of Musiclast year–seven vonTrapps with a posse in every corner. 

But here’s the coolest part:  180 middle schoolers produce something together–and they love it!  Every committed student is included.  Somehow it’s fun and cool, and so everything that goes with it is fun and cool.  Such as learning the samba.

Can you imagine what would happen if I tried to teach him the mambo or the samba?  Or even whip out Bye Bye Birdie to watch as a family?  Let’s not even go there.

So I watch my boy transform into someone new, and offer thanks for those who work the magic in middle school. 

Or maybe for the girl who danced with him.  Who knows? 

Moments like this help me find serendipity  again:  having a teenager is really quite fun. 

I leave you with a little taste of these wacky weeks:

Honaunau Place of Refuge

Just down the Kona coast from our temporary Big Island home is Pu’uhonua o Honaunau, a National Park and preserved ancient Hawaiian village that includes The Place of Refuge.  It’s a haunting and beautiful sanctuary where ancient Hawaiian royalty–the kings and big kahunas (priests)–practiced the rituals, offerings and sacrifices of the brutal kapu (taboo) system.   Under the intricate rules of kapu,  anyone who broke a rule, such as treading in the shadow of a chief, fishing in the wrong season, or appearing in public during a woman’s “moon cycle” could expect summary execution.  The royal village was protected by a 15-ft thick lava wall, impossible to enter from land.

However, the Hawaiians did factor in an opportunity for grace.   Any person who violated a rule of the kapu would be unconditionally forgiven if he or she could swim to the place of refuge on the ocean side of the grounds.  If the transgressor survived the journey, the kahuna was required to absolve and release the person after an overnight retreat in this sacred place. 

Yes, the ancient Hawaiians offered arbitrary sacrifices to angry gods.  The cultural rules were harsh, and forgiveness required a dangerous journey.  Still, I was moved by this beautiful concept of refuge.  It required self-reflection and repentance for transgressions.  Blame was not part of the equation.  And absolution was granted–regardless of severity–after just one night.

I left contemplating repentance and grace in my own world.  As the big kahuna in my little kingdom (just had to throw that in), do I freely offer forgiveness?  Do I require unreasonable penance for small transgressions, or do I offer grace and move on after a small respite?  Do I seek forgiveness when I break the rules? 

Sometimes all the requirements of life are hard to keep.  We make mistakes, and I’m grateful that my family, friends and God extend that grace to me.  I just hope I can learn to forgive those around me with the same spirit.

I want my home and my heart to be a place of refuge.

sunset from our lanai. seriously.

Oh, what a wonderful respite. 

We had a lovely vacation on the Big Island of Hawai’i last week.  My husband’s parents found a house on the shore of Kealakekua Bay on the Kona coast, far from any resorts, tourists or crowds.  Our house sat right on top of a huge lava flow overlooking a marine life sanctuary.  We explored all kinds of lava with my geologist father-in-law, snorkeled right near our home, and toured the island’s rain forests, beaches, and volcanoes.  I’ve got so much to share, but for now, a few shots of our week:

Our little brown house on the lava

Lava Kitty, who came with the house

conquering the a'a

snorkeling with sea turtles

walking in a volcano crater--see it steaming?

studying geology with Papa J

Some additions to my list of gifts:

1. The miracle of ongoing, eternal creation
2. The mystery of ocean life
3. Family time without internet distractions
4. Booking this vacation before the economy crashed
5. Active, engaged grandparents on both sides
6. Ocean waves lulling us to sleep
7. Serendipity discoveries in unexpected places
8. The hope of flowers sprouting out of dry lava
9. People who still trust:  the guys who let us take their kayaks when we didn’t have cash with us
10. Pina coladas on the lanai

May the beauty of special places sustain us through “ordinary” times.