turn pouting into possibility with one magic word
Do you wrestle with these conversation killers?
“I’m no good at this.”
“No one wants to play with me.”
or from yourself:
“I’m not one of those big-time bloggers.”
“I haven’t written a real book.”
So often we parents argue, countering, “Yes, you can!”, generating a back-and-forth argument, and causing our partner (adversary?) to dig in her heels. The “I can’t” person gets defensive, adding strength to the argument just to convince the other person she’s right. It doesn’t seem to help at all, does it? In fact, we sometimes end up more convinced the original statement is right — or perhaps understated — and further from encouragement.
Instead, empathize and just add the magic word:
“You can’t do it. . . . YET.”
“Okay, you’re not good at this. . . YET.”
“Today, no one can play with you . . . YET.”
And tell yourself:
“I’m not one of those big-time bloggers. . . YET.”
“I haven’t written a real book. . . YET.”
See the difference? Three little letters validate the sentiment, open up the conversation, shift emphasis toward the goal, and create a sense of possibility.
I’m trying to work it in more often. I’m not quite there yet. But I can feel it coming.
Visit We are THAT Family for more Works for Me Wednesday ideas.
adapted from the archives