Beyond Just Mom

I know someone out there who is struggling today, and I want her to know she is not alone. 

I want her to know that adjusting to parenthood is one of the most amazing growing experiences of life.  It is also hard, SO hard, even though something in our society makes us pretend that it is not.  I think it’s time to come clean so we can support each other through the tough times. 

I want her to know that even in perfect, supportive conditions, just about every mom I know discovered:

• that the first several weeks of parenthood is a blur of leaky fluids that we blocked out of our conscious memory.  We wish we could have warned you, but it is really impossible to explain until you live it.   You will get to sleep in again someday, but until then your body will adapt.  Until then, you must find a trusted someone to watch your baby sometime, hopefully sooner than later.  Either way, you’ll be okay.

• that breastfeeding did not come easily, and required the conflicting advice and hands-on help of umpteen people with whom we never dreamed of discussing such intimate issues.  After valliant efforts, some of us went to the bottle at one time or another.  Despite all the pressure and guilt, babies grow and thrive in the most desperate conditions, so everything will be okay.

• that a few weeks down the road you’ll be able to feed that baby expertly in surprising places without a blink.   You might want to breastfeed forever, or you might yearn to have your own body back, and it’s completely up to you, no matter what other people say.   So ignore the judgers; you’ll be okay. 

• that for some of us, baby bonding didn’t come at the moment of birth but by getting to know our babies little by little.  It took some of us thirty seconds and some of us thirty weeks.  We all love our children and we all want to throw them out the window sometimes.  But God made them cute so we don’t do that.  And you won’t either.  You’ll be okay.

• that the best advice we learned did not come from books or “experts” but from other moms who remember what it’s like and offer help without judging.  If you don’t have a circle of support, look for one.  There are many great support networks in the blogosphere, but it’s ideal to find people with skin.  I found help through my church, but there are many playgroups through preschools, day cares, MOPs, or Mothers and More.  It can seriously save your sanity.  You’ll hear stories like yours, and you’ll be okay.

• that constant feelings of anxiety, sadness or desperation might signal postpartum depression, just like many of us.  If you’re wondering, just go visit a doctor or therapist, tell your story, and see what they think.  It can make all the difference in the world for you and your mothering.

Finally, let grace assuage all thoughts of guilt.  No matter what mistakes you might make, we have all made them.  You are forgiven.   You are a wonderful mother.  Your baby will be fine.  And despite the struggles of this season, everything is going to be okay.

photo credit: maessive