Beyond Just Mom

I ran this post back in January, but as the seasons change and the schedule year-end schedule has me running in circles, I feel like I need a refresher.  I hope it helps you keep a little more sane this season.

Sometimes I feel like my kids are out to make my life miserable. 

I know.  It’s a horrible thing to say, but when I’m self-absorbed, my thoughts get distorted and the Evil Mom tape starts playing in my mind.  I begin to believe my three charming children are doing everything they can to irritate, embarass, or distract me from the important things I need to do. 

Hopefully sooner than later, I remember that the most important thing I need to do is parent those children I love with all my heart. 

For such moments, I’ve tucked away in my wee little brain some mantras to counter the Evil Mom impulse.  I hope you find them helpful too.

When Evil Mom thinks, “Why does (s)he do this to me?”  try thinking:

• This isn’t about me.  This is about a child who needs . . . (attention?  food?  love?  discipline?)
• This is normal for a _____ year old.   Toddlers throw tantrums.  Teens push buttons.   Some one-year olds bite.  Five-six year olds are “me” centered.  We still need to teach them what’s appropriate, but first we meet them where they are.
• Mistakes are permitted here.  We must offer forgiveness for our children and for ourselves.  There may be consequences, but also grace.

When Evil Mom laments, “This is terrible!”  tell yourself:

• This is perfect.   It’s a perfect time to try that new parenting technique.  It’s a perfect time to learn how to clean crayon off the wall, or what happens when you shoplift.   It’s a perfect time for my tween to learn about responsibility and consequences.  Better sooner than later, when the stakes get higher.

Finally, when Evil Mom worries, “What am I going to do?”  ask instead:

• Who do I want to be right now?   I can be a criticizer –I do that quite well –or I can be a teacher.  I can be a crazy screaming lady (also quite talented), or I can be cool and collected.  I can be serious, funny, sarcastic, or silly.  Often who I choose to be matters more than what I do.  Take a moment to decide who you want to be before you swoop in to act.  It can make a powerful difference. 

Today, after wallowing in self for many days, I re-play the mantras that help me parent with love and put Evil Mom out of commission.  It works for me. 

Please visit Uncommon Parenting by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller who inspired this post.  Also check out We are THAT Family for other Works for Me Wednesday tips.

photo credit: Tina Keller