I'm Pam, and I'm glad you're here. I hope my thoughts on family, faith, and the flux of life help you laugh, fire you up or just make you think.

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ten ways to re-frame parenting issues

No one knows all the answers, but sometimes asking the right questions gets us where we need to be.

These ten questions to re-frame parenting issues always stop me in my tracks and change my approach.  Thomas and I closed Saturday’s parent workshop with this list by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller.   Feel free to alter for your student/spouse/partner/friend as you see fit:

1.                  What if you saw your child as wounded or confused instead of wrong?

2.                  What if you saw the mistakes your child makes today as a learning opportunity?

3.                  What if you saw the behavior your child is exhibiting as age appropriate?

4.                  What if you saw your child today as unfinished and simply on the road to becoming who he or she is going to become?

5.                  What if you saw your child’s behavior as a cry for help?

6.                  What if you saw your child today as a child of God?

7.                  What if you saw your child as a teacher who is offering you a lesson?

8.                What if you saw your child’s behavior as perfect for helping him learn what he needs to learn right now?

9.                What if you saw your child for who she is rather than who you want her to be?

10.              What if you saw your child as being in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing, right now?

If we’re having trouble finding the answers. . . have we asked the right questions? 

Soak up more of Thomas and Chick’s wisdom at Uncommon Parenting.  If you’re curious about my parent coaching business, please visit Practical Parenting Workshops.

Make it a great week!

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13 comments to ten ways to re-frame parenting issues

  • What powerful questions. I think I needed to read this today as I’m struggling with one of my kids right now.

    Thank you.

    (Thanks for commenting on my post at the AnneX today.)

  • I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO struggling right now. I find myself asking these questions too late. After I’ve already lost my temper and yelled. I’m going to print this out and put a copy everywhere!

    Stacey’s last blog post..What games for toddlers/young children?

  • I am putting this on my fridge. Thank you for the insight!

    charlotte’s last blog post..So Help Me!

  • Love it, love it. I just think you are such a wise woman! Thank you so much for what you share with us. It’s good. So good.

    Heather of the EO’s last blog post..TopMomma

  • weeble

    Thanks! I needed that! I’ve been struggling for the last 2 years (with no end in sight, unfortunately)!It always helps to step back and get a different perspective on things! God bless you !

  • Wow. I have to say, that first one got my attention. Funny how a simple change in thinking can make such a difference, but it’s true.

    I’ll echo charlotte. This one’s going on the fridge.

    billy coffey’s last blog post..A Little Help

  • pam

    So happy I could share a little inspiration to help you all through those hurdles. I too need to post this one on my fridge!

  • Great questions. I especially like the one about is this an age appropriate behaviour. I’ll be sharing this list with the moms at my church. Thanks.

    Susan’s last blog post..March Wrap-Up

  • Hi,

    A great List Blog Post!

    I’m in the Build a Better Blog Challenge, too!

    C ya!

    Claus D Jensen,

    PS: Clicked on some of your interesting Adds! :-)

    Claus D Jensen’s last blog post..Ten Tips On Writing A Blog Post

  • christine


    i loved this. i have browsed chick’s and thomas’s website and would like to read one or two of their books. i was wondering if you have a recommendation of a book to start off with? many thanks. christine

  • pam

    Great question, Christine!
    I was just thinking of writing a post about my favorite parenting books. I highly recommend The Ten Commitments: Parenting with Purpose and Parent Talk: Words that Empower, Words that Wound. Parent Talk has quick, easy chapters on hundreds of phrases to use or not use. It’s a great resource book to jump into when you’re dealing with a difficult issue. The Ten Commitments is a more comprehensive. Each chapter discusses a commitment with insipirational stories, instruction and challenges at the end. Hope that helps!

  • Number 7 is what God has been working into me lately! My children are my teachers. And sometimes I miss the lessons because I’m not so teachable.

    Daja’s last blog post..Easter Weekend

  • I wish I could memorize these questions. Today I am going to work on the first one…what if I perceived my children as being confused instead of just wrong. Well I can tell you, instead of getting upset with them, I’ve been explaining, IN DETAIL, why. All day long. And I prefer it that way. Just for today I can do this. Tomorrow will have it’s own worries.

    Michelle’s last blog post..WFMW–Trying to Conceive

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