on family photos
We took family portraits this weekend. We don’t do this on a regular basis like some families do. It happens sporadically. One year I thought, “Oh my gosh! A’s teeth are all falling out! We need to get a family photo while the kids still have those cute white baby teeth!” Or, I’ve rummaged through all the snapshots for the year and don’t have one photo of all five of us for our Christmas card. Now, the kids are 13, 10 and 7 and I thought, “If I don’t do it now, we’ll never get a photo of all of us together again!” Okay, maybe not never, but given our current family schedule, there is some cause for concern.
We arranged for a family friend/photographer (P) to shoot pics at our home. I wanted something casual, just everyone hanging out in jeans. Not too coordinated–just great pictures of our family relaxing and having fun together. I wanted to capture us all together in the same room at once, fooling around, looking at the camera, sitting really close, piled in formation, and flashing a spontaneous smile of absolute joy about being in this place at this moment. Just like we always do.
Of course I had to make sure we wore the right clothes: casual, but not clashing. Turns out my children have no solid colored anything. So I had to shop for just the right combination, making sure it didn’t look like I had tried. Finally I found it: coordinated, but not too coordinated.
When P arrived, we surveyed the scene for an appropriate background. The pouring rain nixed any outdoor shots. The fireplace looked okay, but there were a few distracting items. So P pulled out a pristine white backdrop — perfect for hiding the clutter and highlighting our beautiful selves.
How I wish I could always drop a backdrop to hide the distractions. In minutes, I could show off a perfectly clean kitchen, a company-ready living room, or a curb-friendly facade. Even better than the real thing.
P did a great job, but as you know, it takes time to capture a bustling covey of five (plus the dog, of course) in the perfectly imperfect pose. Towers of lights, umbrellas and equipment emerged like Mary Poppins’ lamps. When everything was finally ready, P interacted comfortably with the kids (plus dog) and put us at ease. He made sure we kneeled in the right spot, leaned just the right way, and didn’t have a hair out of place. It took time, patience, and promises of chocolate, but I’m hoping we orchestrated an image of our casual, happy family savoring enjoying tolerating the time together.
Then the kids had got to sit for their own session. You know, so we could freeze a moment of them having fun together, snuggling, and hugging, just like they always do. P set up an adorable shot of the kids lying on the floor, with K leaning on top of her brothers and her elbows digging into their backs. They laughed with pure joy (or was it agony?). Still, I’m sure it will be a cute picture.
That’s what matters, right? That we orchestrate appearances of the perfect family to preserve in our memory books? Just like we always do?
I really don’t regret taking family portraits, but the effort to make it “just right” took more energy than I expected. It makes me wonder. . . what else am I doing to keep up appearances? Where could I better focus my energy?
What about you? What energy are you expending to keep up the perfect family image?
Great food for thought. I like how you used setting up a family photo shoot as a metaphor for how we try to keep up appearances in our daily lives. I’m guessing that all of us wonder, at some point, whether we are doing something because we want to *look good* to the rest of the world, or because we truly enjoy it. That aside, you’ll never regret having nice photos of your family. I love to frame mine and leave them around the house, now that my son is off on his own.